Storm Rifle still not good enough, agrees everyone


In a rare case of mutual agreement, the community and development team have reached the conclusion that the storm rifle is still not good enough. After a flood of complaints from the community asking the storm rifle to be made even better, the development team have responded positively with this statement outlining the changes they intend to make going forward:

“We feel that the storm rifle has been in a good place for a long time, but we need to bring it up to speed with how the game is progressing in 2016. Therefore, we’ve proposed that we add to the strength of the weapon, whilst simultaneously incorporating micro-transactions and social media interaction to stay in line with our company’s current vision.”

The list of proposed changes include having the option to pay $1 per kill to link the weapon to your twitter account, allowing you to live tweet your opponent passive-aggressive comments about how much more skilled you are for killing them with it. Similarly, for $25 the storm rifle will turn in to a CoD style nuke, which will immediately end the game in your favour. It will also have a bonus ‘easter-egg’ style feature, which will allow you to share a video of you tea-bagging your opponents directly to your Facebook.

When asked for a timescale on when to expect these features, 343 commented:

“You can expect this to be implemented quite soon, as naturally this will take the highest precedence over working servers or new maps.”